Left Unsaid

Carrying thirty other boys up the stairs a hundred times

Five more Hazem nightmares — one of which Jesus miraculously ended through the mere touch of a 72-year-old woman

Becoming friends with a man I randomly met in the bakery down the street

That time I tasted tear gas (for reasons totally unrelated to political protests)

Hosting a week-long sleep-over with a Deaf student and a deafblind student

My typical morning routine of NesCafe and Jordan’s national anthem

Reflections that followed forgetting my country’s presidential election day

Attending the bachelor party of a Deaf co-worker

What life is like for the one hearing student at our school

A miracle that preceded the death of a 4-year-old boy with cancer in Salt

The taxi ride during which I experienced my one successful argument in Arabic

Unfortunate moments when the behavior of certain Deaf boys caused me to compromise my peace ethic 

What it’s like to hear the inimitably beautiful sound of a Deaf child’s laugh, free from all 

self-consciousness and inhibition

That night I had to hitchhike back to the school

The shockingly good fried chicken restaurant down the hill

GENDER IN THE ARAB WORLD!!!!

Personal opinions about the Islamic faith

Gratefulness for my home away from home (...away from home) with my dear friend Isaac Rank and his family

The things that I’m ashamed of doing and the things that I’m proud not to have done

Feeble yet earnest attempts to describe the Trinity and the Incarnation in Sign language

An informal inter-faith dialogue that would have been discouraging if it weren’t for the hugs afterwards

My periodic indignation at what I have perceived to be the bastardization of the Gospel in this community

The conflicting feelings of hope and hopelessness that defined my relationship with my dearest Hazem

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Each of these deserves at least a few paragraphs, and the list could go on and on. It seems that no matter how much I write on this blog, I simply cannot comprehensively share this year’s experiences with you. And it seems that no matter how descriptive and illuminating my words are, you simply cannot understand those experiences to an extent that fully satisfies me. And this leaves me feeling alone. 

But of course, this is not unique to me and my year in Jordan. 

Sobering words of wisdom from Henri Nouwen... 

“We speak about our ideas and feelings as if everyone were interested in them, but how often do we really feel understood?” (The Way of the Heart). 

“All human beings are alone. No other person will completely feel like we do, think like we do, act like we do” (Bread for the Journey). 

“It is this most basic human loneliness that threatens us and is so hard to face” (Reaching Out). 

“We ignore what we already know with a deep-seated, intuitive knowledge — that no love or friendship, no intimate embrace or tender kiss, no community, commune or collective, no man or woman, will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our lonely condition” (The Wounded Healer). 

“In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is knowledge of surrounding darkness” (Out of Solitude). 

In her hauntingly beautiful speech entitled “Solitude of Self,” addressed to the U.S. Senate Committee on Women’s Suffrage in 1892, Elizabeth Cady Stanton stated, “In that solemn solitude of self, that links us with the immeasurable and the eternal, each soul lives alone forever. ... Our inner being, which we call our self, no eye, nor touch of man, nor angel has ever pierced. ... Only omniscience is permitted to enter.”

Even so.

At the end of the day, as I look back on the last eleven months, I’m just grateful that I was able to share all that I’ve shared, in spite of the inevitable shortcomings. 

And all of us can strive to be grateful for any and every moment and shade of intimacy in our lives. 

One more post planned. Grace and peace, friends.